Modeling Friendship

Is it possible to model friendship for toddlers, to show examples of how to be a good friend? Jane Cowen-Fletcher's Baby Be Kind suggests the answer is, "Yes." 

Through a series of interconnected scenes between two toddlers, the author-artist depicts a strong friendship (and also how to treat one's pup well). The concept of sharing can be hard for littlest ones. They've just gained a sense of what it's like to have and to hold a toy, a Teddy bear, a graham cracker, and now they're being asked to let someone else play with their toys and share their snack.

The concept is a hard one to teach: You share your toy and then you get another turn. But they only know the here and now. The concept of "soon" is alien. But in these 18 pages, this terrific board book models what it's like to share, to take turns and other ways to be a good friend: how to help a friend up when he falls, to thank her, how to "say you're sorry when you are." 

At a time when toddlers are learning so much, here's a book of gentle humor and life lessons that could well serve them throughout their lives. 

Strong Mothers

The mother in Little Bear’s Little Boat by Eve Bunting, illustrated by Nancy Carpenter serves as a model of how to instill confidence in her cub. We see Little Bear out in his boat for hours at a time. His mother “calls him in for bed” and he ties up his boat for the night. We see that he’s responsible, and that his mother knows he’s responsible. So she gives him a lot of freedoms. Yet we also sense that she’s always near.

A few pages later, when she sees that Little Bear has outgrown his boat, she affirms his perceptions and offers her knowledge at just the right time: “It is a little bear’s destiny to grow and grow till he is a big bear. It is a little boat’s destiny to stay the same size.” We see the sadness in the cub’s eyes and the comforting hug of his mother. We know that Little Bear listens because he repeats the same words a bit later, when he carries out his course of action.

With Mother’s Day approaching, I’ve been thinking a good deal about the mothers I admire in children’s literature. This book is a small gem. Unlike Peter’s Chair (a book I adore, don't get me wrong), in which Peter is (understandably) upset that his little sister gets his crib and beloved chair, and is still coming to terms with the fact that he must part with the things that no longer serve him, Little Bear sees for himself that he’s outgrown his beloved boat, and he decides what to do about it. His mother validates his feelings and gives him words to describe this rite of passage. But she also gives Little Bear room to take in his new place in the world and decide what he wants to do about it.

A Board Book to Count On

Kass Reich accomplishes a great deal in her first board book, Hamsters Holding Hands. As her rhyming text counts up to 10, she establishes a bond between the furry heroes from the moment there are two. It’s easy to underestimate how challenging it is to get the right balance of words and pictures for children just beginning to make meaning from images and the spoken word.

Her sherbet-colored tones of lemon, lime and orange look good enough to eat, and her hamsters engage in activities every toddler will either recognize or wish to emulate—playing telephone with two tin cans, sharing trucks and balls, a day at the beach with snorkels, popsicles and water wings, under a sun shining like a fried egg in the sky.

With minimal backdrops, she keeps the focus on the friendships between the hamsters and the joy of shared activities. She also leaves a lot unstated, so toddlers can make their own discoveries with each rereading. Here’s hoping this is the first of many books by Kass Reich.

The Rewards of Sharing

The lesson may be overt in The Rainbow Fish—that sharing is the key to friendship—but for toddlers, it’s a topic that can never be discussed too often. The other two books in My Rainbow Fish Book Box build on the rewards the hero reaps from the friendships he makes and the things he learns from his experiences in that first book.

Remembering how it felt to be left out (by his own choice, but nonetheless…), the silver-scaled hero feels for the striped fish in Rainbow Fish to the Rescue!, whom his friends want to leave out. With the confidence he’s gained from his friendships, he summons the courage to swim down to the depths in search of his last silver scale in Rainbow Fish Discovers the Deep Sea. It’s never too soon to learn the rewards that emanate from that first act of friendship—sharing. And it’s one that most kids will have to re-learn over and over again.

If your toddler is already a sharer, there likely have been times when he or she has been taken advantage of by a still-prideful Rainbow Fish–type peer. And if the toddler in your life is going through a prideful Rainbow Fish phase, then these tales offer teachable moments.

I recently got to interview Kevin Henkes, creator of so many characters that lead the way to rich discussions with children (Wemberly Worried; Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse) and he said, “I can't tell you how many times when my kids were little, when something was happening, we'd pick a book from a shelf and we'd read.” Henkes added, “I'd be waiting for a particular page to open the door to what was happening in their lives.” Whether it’s a silver scale, half a sandwich, a secret or a book that touches on what’s going on in a child’s life, sharing is a lifelong practice with countless benefits.